Well, I had an interesting set of dreams last night all revolving around my emotional strength and stability and the various weays in which they were approached, torn down, and taken advantage of. I woke up feeling weak and exhausted. I have always prided myself on being a strong-willed person. You have to be when people tend to lean on you for support. No time to worry about your life and breakdown when someone else needs you. As a result, I have become a hardened individual on the outside who lets no one to very few people into my life and into my heart/emotions. Those that do always take a little piece of my heart with them, and in those moments when I let my guard down and become that sniveling little shit from high school, I recollect myself and become even harder and let even fewer people in. I am not sure if my dreams last night were a result of my letting my guard down again last night or a life-lesson to ease the fuck up and not become such a diamond-exterior asshole. I have serious issues with intimacy and committment, and always opt for surface relationships because I understand how fleeting permanence is (there's an oxymoron for you). But I also treasure those moments when I do trust enough and let people into my life who change me and leave an impact on me, for however long they are there. Still....I find that I often regress into a more immature emotional state when the guard is let down too much, and I pull back and try to be more mature about it. It;s tough to make sense of this in print. Sufficed to say, that the dreams were an eye opener.
This entry was posted
on Wednesday, September 25, 2002 at 9:26 AM.
You can skip to the end and leave a response.
» Post a Comment