What a whirlwind of a week. School is winding down...thank god. Will be teaching two less classes, so less money....fuck me. Get to teach again next semester....very cool. Stuck around for ANOTHER semester....fuck me. Nutcracker went well....thank god. Too much silly trauma and drama behind the scenes....fuck me. Beautiful winter weather....thank god. Sick for the third time in a month and a half and since a year and a half....fuck me. Got better very quick....thank god. Had to experience "reverse puking" for first time ever...FUCK ME!
I think you get the point. Things are going well even with the impending doom of being short on cash due to not being able to teach an extra class, but I will work things out. If my current place can afford me full time I should not have any problems. Just in case, I put out some feelers. I do have bills to pay and roof to keep over my head. Ah, the joys of being an adult.
In other news, it still amazes me how simply inane some "situations" can be. I tend to look at so much nowadays with an older eye and with experience under my belt, and I tend to forget that at a younger age, I probably obsessed and worried needlessly over things. Probably....huh....that's an understatement. I also know what it feels like to be told otherwise and to completely ignore everything and continue carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. More and more I start to understand the hassle my mom must have gone through when she tried to "help" me by sweeping up my dirt in front of me, but I sure as hell did not listen, I was, and still am, too stubborn. I want to do everything on my own and figure things out on my own, even if it means dealing with any emotional, mental or physical pain. It was the only way I learned and grew to maturity faster than those around me. So every once in a while I find myself trying to do the same thing for those around me whom I care for, and as maddening as it is when they don't listen (sorry mom), I also realize that I would be a hypocrite if I kept trying to shove my rhetoric down their throats. Nothing is gained by being led 24/7. Nothing is learned when someone tells you the answers. You gotta learn the hard way sometimes and just be there to offer an ear, a shoulder, or some supporting words.
What a bitch it all is....but sometimes the better friend is one who is able to simply stand back and let life.
On a side note, I am looking forward to starting this dance team, working Chicago, and hopefully being able to add two more classes to the dance studio to teach. I enjoy it way too much.
This entry was posted
on Tuesday, December 03, 2002 at 5:09 PM.
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