Once More Out of the Breach

So I was prompted to return to blogging when the Elf, upon looking at my blog, commented: What's this all about?

Yeah, it;s been a while, but I have not much felt like writing or expunging anything from my life in my blog lately. Too many things happened that I just decided were best for my journal and not on here. The last 2 months have been a wild ride of emotions and experiences, some I wish I never have to repeat again and some I hope I do.

Financially things have gotten better as I finally started working the jobs i was hired for. Three and a half jobs is a lot of work. A LOT. I am tired. A LOT. Between rehearsing and working, I am just exhausted, but it;s better than sitting home alone doing nothing bemoaning some silly existence like some whacked out emo kid (no offense Bailey et al). I just need to bounce back from all the summer no-work debt and I will be ok

It;s been really nice having the elf back and having someone like minded around to just be stupid around and still retain some sense of intelligence. I do feel guilty sometimes because I feel that I cross that joking line a little too much sometimes. I am sure he doesn;t take me seriously, but i guess that is my own insecurity. Nothing but love, elf. It's fun getting to watch him dance again and looking at him progress. I love seeing the progress more than anything else. The same goes for Brittany who dances less and aless awkward every time. She;s starting to look like a pretty dancer more and more.

Saw Diane and Josh last week and go to hang out with them and Nate and David. Aside form being molested every five seconds by Josh, I had a lot of fun. Oh ok...the molesting was fun too ;)

Things have just been weird lately. Going through an evaluation of who I am, where I am, what I want and who I can trust anymore in my life has been difficult. It;s just compounded with unresolved feelings and issues i have with people. I hate going out everyday and slapping on a fake smile so people don;t think somethign is wrong and harass me with "Are you Okay?" I hate feeling like I have something to prove but not giving a fuck that I have to. And my god, when I did I get so whiny and rheto-emotional in my posts. What happened to the witty sarcasm that abounded? God this is sad.

I do have to say tho that all this emotion is being carefully siphoned into my work and is helping me create what I think is my best work in the last 8 years. I did not think I could choreograph like that but the ideas keep pouring from my head. I actually want to try this out for real, but the idea of going to real ballet companies is frightening. I just fear the impending question: Where did you train? I just don;t know.

As far as the studio, moving in was a bitch. I hate being underappreciated and working for peanuts and as much as I love the girls they can be whiny brats sometimes and completely unaware of their potential and what we do for them. But such is the thankless life of a teacher.

I can;t type anymore simply because I feel too ill. I need to go lie down and sleep for a while before class tonight.

This entry was posted on Monday, September 22, 2003 at 3:21 PM. You can skip to the end and leave a response.