Ineffable
So what does this symbol have to do with anything. Well, it seems like the once laughed-at, mocked, and misunderstood group of people who called themselves asexuals and - most unfavorably - human amoebas are gaining in number and visibility on the internet. That is the symbol they have chosen to represent Asexuals (care of AVEN ). More on the symbol later...
What I do want to express is a sense of relief and amazement that after all these years my jokes and feelings are actually real and not some biblical plague or miracle. It is not something to be ridiculed as non-existent or simply as a means to an end. After all, it was less than 30-40 years ago that people and professionals were looking at homosexuality in the same way; as some aberrant disease or psychological problem. Asexuality is a real thing.
Well, what is it, you ask.
To put it simply - and there are different variations - asexuals are sexually arousable (meaning the equipment ain't broken) and have a desire to be intimate, BUT there is no sexual attraction. There is no spark, no need to fuck or be fucked when looking at a male or female. It is not something that is voluntarily avoided or looked at with disgust, there simply is no need or desire to have sex or be sexually attracted. It is not something I think about, it is just something I know. Yes, I have tried my hand at dating and messing around. Non-asexuals don't get it and thus get frustrated by a lack of physical intimacy....I know thsi first-hand. All these years I hated being touched and hugged which was also another sign pointing to this as it is one of the characteristics.
Yeah, people dimiss it as, "You're just hiding that you are gay." And I take offense when people call it the "new gay." People cannot get past their ideas of dualities and binary oppositions: male/female, hot/cold, gay/straight, black/white. We have semantically fucked ourselves into a corner of ignorance thereby allowing anything new or not paired to be deemed as not the norm and as marginalized. Consider hermaphrodites and transexuals. They are considered on the fringe. There is no room for them sexually or genderly (yeah, I know that is not a word).
What bothers me about those who consider themselves asexual is that people who have psychological blocks to physical intimacy DO NOT fit into this category. Those who give up a life of sex or sexual addiciton in favor of celibacy DO NOT fit into this category. Asexuals are born that way. There is no decision. And much like my view of homosexuality being a case of nature, I feel the same about asexuality. It makes sense to me because it is what I live with every day. It is normal to me.
Ignorant people who can't seem to get their minds around it because of this need to fill a hole or have a hole filled, do nothing but increase the misunderstanding. Those who are seemingly so intelligent but who don't have the foresight or patience to understand this are no better than bigots. And those who just won't accept it because it makes no sense and why wouldn't everyone want to be a sex fiend are just as pathetic as racists. Extremes I know, but I am continually surprised by people, some of whom are in my life, who just make the jokes, dismiss it, or say "whatever" as a means to understand it or ignore it. To them, because it does not fit into their world of dichotomies, it is fake and psychologically constructed. Let the hegemonic struggle begin, I say (look Sara, post-structuralism in my blog....wheeeeeeeee!).
I have been lucky enough to have friends who ask the questions, who try to understand, who are sometimes envious (as if they think this is so easy...only by a fraction), who look at me quizically but try to wrap their heads around it. If they don't get it, at least they are trying to, and therefore respect who I am as a person and what this means in my life.
I don't expect people to get it. I don't expect them to like it. I expect the same thing I always got: being dismissed as a raging homosexual stuck in a big closet. And if I gave a damn all these years about what people thought, I would be no better off than those who stand idly by like sheep when their fellow men are taken off to slaughter.
I am happy there is a place for asexuals. I am happy I found the sites and the places where they can meet and create a discourse. And like everything else, there will be a weeding process. I can only hope that as the movement for understanding grows that more people become aware and stop acting like a bunch of fools who can't see anything beyond the sexual organs that they use to define themselves.
Feel free to comment or question.
Oh, and the symbol....I think it is rather stupid for AVEN to adopt that as the asexual symbol as it is just the gay symbol filled a quarter of the way with purple ink instead of a full on pink triangle. Helloooooooooooo??? Are we not trying to disassociate ourselves with current dualities. Pick something new folks.
So what does this symbol have to do with anything. Well, it seems like the once laughed-at, mocked, and misunderstood group of people who called themselves asexuals and - most unfavorably - human amoebas are gaining in number and visibility on the internet. That is the symbol they have chosen to represent Asexuals (care of AVEN ). More on the symbol later...
What I do want to express is a sense of relief and amazement that after all these years my jokes and feelings are actually real and not some biblical plague or miracle. It is not something to be ridiculed as non-existent or simply as a means to an end. After all, it was less than 30-40 years ago that people and professionals were looking at homosexuality in the same way; as some aberrant disease or psychological problem. Asexuality is a real thing.
Well, what is it, you ask.
To put it simply - and there are different variations - asexuals are sexually arousable (meaning the equipment ain't broken) and have a desire to be intimate, BUT there is no sexual attraction. There is no spark, no need to fuck or be fucked when looking at a male or female. It is not something that is voluntarily avoided or looked at with disgust, there simply is no need or desire to have sex or be sexually attracted. It is not something I think about, it is just something I know. Yes, I have tried my hand at dating and messing around. Non-asexuals don't get it and thus get frustrated by a lack of physical intimacy....I know thsi first-hand. All these years I hated being touched and hugged which was also another sign pointing to this as it is one of the characteristics.
Yeah, people dimiss it as, "You're just hiding that you are gay." And I take offense when people call it the "new gay." People cannot get past their ideas of dualities and binary oppositions: male/female, hot/cold, gay/straight, black/white. We have semantically fucked ourselves into a corner of ignorance thereby allowing anything new or not paired to be deemed as not the norm and as marginalized. Consider hermaphrodites and transexuals. They are considered on the fringe. There is no room for them sexually or genderly (yeah, I know that is not a word).
What bothers me about those who consider themselves asexual is that people who have psychological blocks to physical intimacy DO NOT fit into this category. Those who give up a life of sex or sexual addiciton in favor of celibacy DO NOT fit into this category. Asexuals are born that way. There is no decision. And much like my view of homosexuality being a case of nature, I feel the same about asexuality. It makes sense to me because it is what I live with every day. It is normal to me.
Ignorant people who can't seem to get their minds around it because of this need to fill a hole or have a hole filled, do nothing but increase the misunderstanding. Those who are seemingly so intelligent but who don't have the foresight or patience to understand this are no better than bigots. And those who just won't accept it because it makes no sense and why wouldn't everyone want to be a sex fiend are just as pathetic as racists. Extremes I know, but I am continually surprised by people, some of whom are in my life, who just make the jokes, dismiss it, or say "whatever" as a means to understand it or ignore it. To them, because it does not fit into their world of dichotomies, it is fake and psychologically constructed. Let the hegemonic struggle begin, I say (look Sara, post-structuralism in my blog....wheeeeeeeee!).
I have been lucky enough to have friends who ask the questions, who try to understand, who are sometimes envious (as if they think this is so easy...only by a fraction), who look at me quizically but try to wrap their heads around it. If they don't get it, at least they are trying to, and therefore respect who I am as a person and what this means in my life.
I don't expect people to get it. I don't expect them to like it. I expect the same thing I always got: being dismissed as a raging homosexual stuck in a big closet. And if I gave a damn all these years about what people thought, I would be no better off than those who stand idly by like sheep when their fellow men are taken off to slaughter.
I am happy there is a place for asexuals. I am happy I found the sites and the places where they can meet and create a discourse. And like everything else, there will be a weeding process. I can only hope that as the movement for understanding grows that more people become aware and stop acting like a bunch of fools who can't see anything beyond the sexual organs that they use to define themselves.
Feel free to comment or question.
Oh, and the symbol....I think it is rather stupid for AVEN to adopt that as the asexual symbol as it is just the gay symbol filled a quarter of the way with purple ink instead of a full on pink triangle. Helloooooooooooo??? Are we not trying to disassociate ourselves with current dualities. Pick something new folks.
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on Thursday, May 26, 2005 at 5:50 PM.
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