So.....I don't think I have felt this exhausted and depressed in a very long time...and I am sure that part of it is unmitigated. Ok, so I went to my callback. I was nervous but not as much as before. I wracked my head trying to figure out how to "perform" the song he gave me, but I got the point where I said "Fuck it!" I am just gonna go in there and do I what I do and if it is what he is looking for then great. I am not a mind reader. So I stepped in, and did it (one of the producers/owners of the theatre was there -- she came to see me in Triumph of Love and was one of the people standing around talking about me). I hauled out my freaking personality and was like "Hey!" And they were very responsive and cheery. When I finished he said "Good, good." Very ambivalent and very ambiguous so I have no idea what that meant. He asked me to sing the last three measures of one plus one and I did and did a little dance to it and had fun, and he heard I could hit the B flat again. I was not prepared for what happened next. He handed me the final section to Jake's song in the second act where he goes crazy. Now be aware, that in Side Show he is the African American character. I agree with blind casting and all and I LOVE his songs, but I don;t think I could do the part justice. He gave me a choice of singing it then or spending some time with the music. I opted for the second. Now....my friend Jorge was called back to sing for the part, and he vocally fits that part so well. I am too much of a tenor and have too much of a tenor tinge to my voice whereas he is a bari-tenor, but is older so have a richer sound to his voice.
So I go back in and I Sang the song and kicked the shot out of it. He said "Good." He must enjoy that word. He asked me to do it again and do two things, make my sound deeper an richer and to be totally animalistic and enraged with the song. Now the second part I can handle. After doing Che, I learned how to tap into that angry bastard part of me. But the first...I can make my sound richer, but there is only so deep a tenor can do without completely screwing with my chords. I am only 24. I am not going to have the deep bari sound yet. But I tried anyway. He stopped me after the first sentence and asked me to not think ahead as I was singing. Which I was...I was making the connection at the end and made the song too "intelligent." SO I tried it again, and I think he stopped me again and asked for more rage. Fine, so I kicked the shit out of it and really went for it. So much so that when I was done, I literally almost blacked out. I couldn;t breath and the room started spinning and I Had to take a step back to keep from falling over. I said "Wow!" And he said "Yeah.. It;s pretty powerful isn;t it?" Of course, the producer who had been leaning over listening to me fell back with her hand to her chest when I was done. I am assuming that was a good sign. But I don;t think I did what he was looking for. Maybe it is because of my lack of experience or from doing nothing but musical comedy for the longest time and only have two dramatic roles under my belt. I dunno. But that was it and he sent me on my way.
Now, like I said, I love the Jake part. But I would rather be Buddy. And I think the only reason why he had me sing that is because the group of people who talked about me after Triumph thought I would be good for that part. Either that or he found his buddy and wanted to try me out for something else. I don;t know and I think playing the "what if" game is pointless. But when Jorge went in to sing it....he not only kicked the shit out of it, he screwed up against the wall hard. And I knew that would happen. And I am not being malicious. He is by far the better choice for the role and he has years of experience over me. I don;t care what anyone says, but life experience does translate into what you can do and can;t onstage. Jorge came out beaming because the director said "Yes. That's it." Which basically means the part is his and they would be crazy not to give it to him. He would kick the shit out of that part. Which leaves me wondering even more what the hell I am going to end up with. Now, I have NO problem being in the chorus and for my first professional thing I would be crazy to think that I could get anything bigger. Not that THEY know that. BUt it;s like once they consider you for a part you get your heart set on it, and I would not have a problem not getting Buddy, but part of the problem is that I don;t think I did what I know I am capable of. Part of me left feeling like I never want to perform again...and this was just the FREAKING audition. Who knows. I know I need to experience and get used to rejection, I know I need to get used to how the system works. I know it all. Maybe Sara is right. If it is meant to be it is meant to be. Maybe I do need to focus on school and get it out of the way, get my green card, and then pursue it. I am so confused about all of this.
As much as I hate saying and thinking this, I wish I never got interested in and into performing and theatre because every morning when I wake up and every night when I go to sleep, my first and last thought is performing. This just royally sucks and I just want to know NOW whether I am in the show or not. At this point, I am just praying I get in the chorus.
Damn...this was a long blog.
So I go back in and I Sang the song and kicked the shot out of it. He said "Good." He must enjoy that word. He asked me to do it again and do two things, make my sound deeper an richer and to be totally animalistic and enraged with the song. Now the second part I can handle. After doing Che, I learned how to tap into that angry bastard part of me. But the first...I can make my sound richer, but there is only so deep a tenor can do without completely screwing with my chords. I am only 24. I am not going to have the deep bari sound yet. But I tried anyway. He stopped me after the first sentence and asked me to not think ahead as I was singing. Which I was...I was making the connection at the end and made the song too "intelligent." SO I tried it again, and I think he stopped me again and asked for more rage. Fine, so I kicked the shit out of it and really went for it. So much so that when I was done, I literally almost blacked out. I couldn;t breath and the room started spinning and I Had to take a step back to keep from falling over. I said "Wow!" And he said "Yeah.. It;s pretty powerful isn;t it?" Of course, the producer who had been leaning over listening to me fell back with her hand to her chest when I was done. I am assuming that was a good sign. But I don;t think I did what he was looking for. Maybe it is because of my lack of experience or from doing nothing but musical comedy for the longest time and only have two dramatic roles under my belt. I dunno. But that was it and he sent me on my way.
Now, like I said, I love the Jake part. But I would rather be Buddy. And I think the only reason why he had me sing that is because the group of people who talked about me after Triumph thought I would be good for that part. Either that or he found his buddy and wanted to try me out for something else. I don;t know and I think playing the "what if" game is pointless. But when Jorge went in to sing it....he not only kicked the shit out of it, he screwed up against the wall hard. And I knew that would happen. And I am not being malicious. He is by far the better choice for the role and he has years of experience over me. I don;t care what anyone says, but life experience does translate into what you can do and can;t onstage. Jorge came out beaming because the director said "Yes. That's it." Which basically means the part is his and they would be crazy not to give it to him. He would kick the shit out of that part. Which leaves me wondering even more what the hell I am going to end up with. Now, I have NO problem being in the chorus and for my first professional thing I would be crazy to think that I could get anything bigger. Not that THEY know that. BUt it;s like once they consider you for a part you get your heart set on it, and I would not have a problem not getting Buddy, but part of the problem is that I don;t think I did what I know I am capable of. Part of me left feeling like I never want to perform again...and this was just the FREAKING audition. Who knows. I know I need to experience and get used to rejection, I know I need to get used to how the system works. I know it all. Maybe Sara is right. If it is meant to be it is meant to be. Maybe I do need to focus on school and get it out of the way, get my green card, and then pursue it. I am so confused about all of this.
As much as I hate saying and thinking this, I wish I never got interested in and into performing and theatre because every morning when I wake up and every night when I go to sleep, my first and last thought is performing. This just royally sucks and I just want to know NOW whether I am in the show or not. At this point, I am just praying I get in the chorus.
Damn...this was a long blog.
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on Saturday, July 14, 2001 at 8:15 PM.
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