Drained

Well today was rather eventful and traumatic. I had to rush down after i got done teaching to go to the doctor. Of course, I got lost for some reason and ended up being fifteen minutes later. An hour and one painful test later I rush to my mom;s house to do laundry, but i only have an hour ot do one load, so I ask her to take care of it for me (which I LOATHE doing) and rush to my first dance class....as an instructor. It was actually quite a lot of fun, and I needed it to take my mind off my mom;s (explain in a bit). I love getting to work with trained dancers even though I do feel extremely intimidated. I never thought i would ever be a choreographer or teaching people to dance, or of all things, teaching in a dance studio. I kind of like it. I wasn;t really nervous and just threw myself into it. It was nice seeing some of their faces in reaction to it being more of a workout than they had supposed. From what I understood, they have poo-poo'ed al the other replacements who came in, but actually liked me. I heard one girl say, "We're keeping him." Made me feel good. Made me feel like I knew what I was doing, even though I felt like a shmuck. It was nice having a friendly face in there, well two of them actually, Diane and Nate. Made me feel a little at ease. I like getting to work with people I know. Diane still says that she learns things from me all the time, which is very cool. And I love getting to work with Nate and watching him grow and try new things and not be afraid of looking silly or out of place. That inspires me the most, when someone starts from zero and works their way very quickly to a place they probably never though they could be. It makes it all worth it. It makes me feel honored, and albeit weird, that he would trust me enough to help him train and to work with him one-on-one....yet another thing I never thought would happen. So I look forward to the future classes, and if this keeps up I get my own section in the second session. Which would be nice.

Now my mother had a little bit of a breakdown and for once I felt helpless and unable to help past using logic and words, which in the face of old-world beliefs, does no good. I could kill certain people in my family for making her feel like that. She is so matriarchal and familial that sometimes ir drives me up a wall because certainpeople take advantage of her. People I have long since written out of my life....this just solidifying the fact that they will never be a part of my life. I hated feeling like there was nothing I could do but hug her...which to some people would be enough. I just wish I could do more...like verbally abuse the shit out of those fucking morons.

This entry was posted on Monday, October 28, 2002 at 11:39 PM. You can skip to the end and leave a response.