FPTA Auditions

So I had my state auditions today for about 25 companies around Florida and some from up north. Woke up early this morning and tok care of the mess Kinko's made of my headshots. Then I was a little worried because my voice was just not waking up and behaving and I needed to sing in an hour. I finally resorted to steam bathing my chords to try and get em soft and clear the gunk out of there and it worked like a charm. I went over to the performing arts center, signed in, waited for a while, was ushered in and went in to sing and do my monologue. I thought I did pretty well. I went into that zone where I do;nt even remember what the hell happened. The callbacks were nto going ot be posted until 5:30 so I went home for a while. When I came back, I ran into one of the directors of the companies who had a short talk with me about needing to find someone to coach me to get me to be less self-conscious. Apparently, I exuded that in the audition, unbeknownst to me. This, of course, did not sit well with me, but did not surprise me. I have always know that my lack of confidence at "big" auditions is my downfall. Hearing it for the first time juat knocked me down a few pegs.

I was not expecting anything from the callback list, but was surpised to be called back by 7 companies, two of which just wanted my headshot. So I did my rounds of meeting with each one which was very cool; i tried to be very professional and personable. Two of the companies I am really interested in; one is in Naples and the other actually runs three theatres (PA, AZ, and FL) and I love their season. I also plugged my choreography skills to both because they look like good places with good people.

The dance audition was actually fun and I was SO much more relaxed and at ease in their, which is odd because I am NOT trained and I don;t LOOK like a dancer. BUT, what made it great was that it was conducted by Gary Flannery who is one of the original Fosse dancers. He was in the original Chicago and was in All That Jazz. I was SOOOOOOOO excited and he totally did a Fosse combination that I tored up. We started with some waltz/ballet combo which I did ok with. The jazz combo was faboo. At one point, we were left alone to do the combo in front of the directors and the beat came up and I went and the other guys stayed behind. I thought i was wrong, but I ended up being right and I got applauded. One of the other guys shook my hand and then smacked my ass....he quickly apologized and said, "It;s a baseball thing." I just looked at him quizically. I got to talk to Gary afterwards and found out he is local and teaches at a studio so I am going ot have to to sign up and take classes. It was great just watching him when he was teaching the girl's combo. He is just amazing.

I was sweaty and wasted at this point. I had not even eaten anything all day. I got in line for my singing callback and told myself to just go in there and be confident. And I think it worked, not sure. Overall, I was pleased with what I did and it wasn ice getting to see the kinds of people who were there. But, I am just not sure if it is for me or if I can do it. I love theatre, I love watching shows and being in them, I love singing, dancing, choreographing, hearing the laughter and applause from the audience. I just don;t knwo if I am cut out for it. I looked around at all the people there and listened in on conversations, and I just don;t think I fit in. I do;nt have a "look," I am not the right "type," and I am not even sure if I have the "X" factor. I wish I could do nothing more with the rest of my life but be on stage and choreograph, but I also need to be realistic about my chances. Being able to sing or dance or act well is not enough. I am not a marketable person. I just don;t know. I have no problem with rejection, or pressure, or stress. I got used to all that stuff a long time ago. I just don;t know if i want to spend the next 5 years trying and not doing anything else, and I certainly do not want to come back and become some community theatre queen. But I also know I would never be happy if theatre was not a part of my life in some way. I just don't know what to do anymore. I am having such a pity party moment.

This entry was posted on Sunday, August 25, 2002 at 10:25 PM. You can skip to the end and leave a response.